Drive by in my heart

I'm sure I've committed at least a few inadvertent drive-bys—saying something that the other person thought was a drive by, even if I hadn’t meant it to be. But I’m pretty sure I haven’t purposely made a drive by comment.

This past week, however, I’ve committed a few drive bys in my heart (to borrow an expression from Jimmy Carter.)

Let’s see, there was . . .

—the mother who thought the threat of sleeping outside the house was an appropriate possible punishment for a six year old.

—the mother who brought her two year old to preschool wearing high-heeled mules (on the kid, not the mother. And the heels were only an inch or so, but the kid is 2!!)

—the mother whose excessive use of baby talk made my skin crawl.

And probably a few others.

I try to be open-minded about most parenting issues, and even when I disagree, I usually know enough to keep my mouth shut. I try to follow a "whatever works for your family" philosophy.

But I've been tempted to speak up more in this past week than I can ever remember having been tempted before.

So far, so good, but I fear someone will be submitting a story about me soon—and if they do, I will post it.

How about you? Have you ever wanted to make a drive by comment? Were you able to stop yourself? If so, how? If not, why did you speak up? How did you feel afterward?

Mommy Wars

I haven't had a chance to read Mommy Wars yet, but I was intrigued by the book review on Blogging Baby. The author, Leslie Morgan Steiner, is a writer and an executive with The Washington Post. Having seen the battles between working moms and stay-at-home moms, she wanted to provide an opportunity for women who had made each of these choices to talk about their decisions and the costs and benefits of each path.

In her review, Kristin Scott notes that the "women come from all walks: married, single, career-driven, adamant in their belief that staying at home is the best. But rather than warring, these women are simply explaining their own choices, their own path to motherhood and the rocky road following. There is only one commonality between all the essays: no choice is perfect, each decision has its sacrifices."

I was particularly interested in this excerpt Kirstin Scott quoted from one of the essays . . .

No wonder every woman who has made a different choice seems like an enemy. What if you are right? What if I am wrong? What if in working we are damaging our children by being absent and preoccupied? What if by staying home we are sacrificing our independence and our ability to financially take care of our children and hurting them in another way. And so we fight.

You can read her entire review here.

Not really a drive by, just amazingly insensitive

I read this story at Julia's Here Be Hippogriffs blog. I've had enough dealings with insensitive doctors and nurses to sympathize, but it was still startling to read about her experience.

She had to have a D&C becuase of fetal death, and the following is the lovely exchange she had with the person who handled her admission (as she wrote in her post For Fear Of Repeating Myself) . . .

"Date of your last menstrual period?" she asked.

"Ummmmm...." . . .

"As best as you can recall," she assured me.

"July 3rd."

"LUCKY!"

"I wish *I* hadn't had MY period since July!" she continued, just in case I had somehow misunderstood.

There was a pause during which I contemplated the ceiling and wondered if I was the first dead-fetus-carrying woman in history to be so enthusiastically envied the temporary suspension of her menses.

"You know... all that blood."

Yeah. I know. All that blood.

I am still laughing about it. I like the absurd.